I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
