I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize