How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
