is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
