why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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