I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
