I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
im on a boat
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