just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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