i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
