at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
