you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
