He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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