I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
