Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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