maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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