It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
