i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The air taste purple.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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