Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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