im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
