My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
