you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
