So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
