I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
