I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
