If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
