Screwed.edu
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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