This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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