Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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