who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize