I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
tell me about the eggs
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
