They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
