i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
