Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
