It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm really busy with my period
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