I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
