mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
