The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
