I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
