just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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