bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
