Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
