i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
