I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
