we made out on top of his cat.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
