A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
