If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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