what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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