Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
