If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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