I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
