Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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