I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
