HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
