the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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