You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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