yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
