I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
