I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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