You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
