I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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