Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
