There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
