Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
