i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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