he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
