i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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