I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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