Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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