you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
